A Day in the Life of an Author with Child, X2
Author: Jody Wallace
Original Publication Date in Love Notes: March 2006

Author’s Note: I’ve been doing a lot of whining the past seven months, and I thought I’d broaden my scope to this very public forum. If this relieves some of my need to whine, my husband thanks you.

7:10 a.m.: After a so-restful night of rolling in and out of bed on the hour to pee (I’m very pregnant), DD crawls in bed with me instead of joining DH at breakfast. Dammit! She begins her subtle “get Mommy up” torture routine, wherein she touches me with her toes while pretending to sleep. When touching doesn’t work, she pokes. When poking doesn’t work, she jumps up and down. I get up. And pee.

7:25 am: Warn DH this is going to be a “writing day” and not to expect housework from me. Not that he does. Good Lord, the man’s been married to me for years and knows better. Kiss a smirking DH goodbye, ask DD what she wants for breakfast.

7:55 am: Finally get an answer out of DD, who preferred to chase the cats around the house instead of choosing between scrambled eggs and waffles.

8:00 am: Fix breakfast and take my special super duper pregnancy-safe anti-nausea pill before my body realizes the medicine from yesterday was peed out during the night.

9:00 am: Clean breakfast aftermath, get us dressed, ask DD if she wants to watch cartoons this morning or a movie this afternoon—she has to choose one or the other. I’m so strict, haha. She chooses immediate gratification.

9:30 am: Get online and start going through emails. And blogs. My social rounds, basically. Also check for updates on an anthology I’m editing.

9:33 am: Pee.

9:35 am: Realize DD is naked except for underwear on head. Take advantage of situation to give her a bath.

10:15 am: DD clean, dressed, back in front of brain-sucking tv. Bathroom floor mopped. 187 tub toys drained and replaced in special hanging bag. Return to computer.

10:18 am: Go change channel on tv since DD doesn’t want THAT cartoon.

10:20 am: Return to computer.

10:22 am: Pee.

10:24 am: Return to computer.

10:30 am: Go change channel on tv again since cartoon DD wanted is now over.

10:32 am: Return to computer. Skim emails and blogs, check weather, check “today in your pregnancy” webpage, etc. Glance over one of my anthology author’s revisions.

11:00 am: Time for midmorning snack. Hey, I’m pregnant! Watch part of cartoon with DD since, as a parent, I’m supposed to be familiar with her tv viewing habits. Uh-huh. We chat more than we watch tv. Feel good about parent/child interaction.

11:15 am: Oops, forgot to call Mom (aka Grandma). Grandma fusses. Call her back (we’re the ones with free long distance.) No, there’s nothing wrong, I just forgot to call. Yes, I remembered my nausea meds. No, I haven’t checked if I’ve gained weight (I’m supposed to check every 3 days, according to the obgyn, due to ongoing barfing issues).

11:40 am: Oops, forgot to turn off tv when “objectionable cartoon” started at 11:30 (ie the one I’m sick of hearing DD imitate). Distract her with offer of board game and switch tv off.

12:10 pm: Barely make it through game since DD insists on imitating the objectionable cartoon. Nerves stretched a bit, but bounce back.

12:13 pm: Pee.

12:16 pm: Don shoes and hobble outside to check mailbox. DD follows in bare feet. Yell at her. Crap! Mail’s not here yet. Who knows what treasures lurk inside today’s delivery??

12:19 pm: Return to computer. Stare at to-do list. Top of list: “Finish latest Ellie Marvel novella!” Am right at hot sex scene. Open document. Read lead-in scene. Not bad! Make some tweaks, fiddle with next paragraph. Some kissing, some groping…

12:30 pm: Writus Interruptus! DD wanders into office and asks to play Dora on her computer, also in office.

12:31 pm: Convince DD she needs to change the diapers on all her dolls, as practice for new baby. Tell her she can use a FEW diapers from the pack of newborn ones I bought. Try to get back into kissing/groping scene.

12:52 pm: Writing Interruptus! DD has used ¾ of the 56-pack of diapers and is ready for lunch. Come to think of it…

12:54 pm: Pee.

12:59 pm: Fix lunch.

1:45 pm: Clean up from lunch. Clean cat barf from DD feeding bits of lunch to cat. Allow DD to spread wooden train across living room, but only train set.

1:50 pm: Cat barf grosser than expected; bending over to clean the piles didn’t help, either. Heat cup of peppermint tea, as cannot take second nausea pill until 5 pm. Return to computer.

2:00 pm: Realize stupid computer chair is hurting my back already and I need to do stretches or something. Or sit in the recliner with the laptop. Choose both.

2:05 pm: Get on floor for obgyn-approved stretches. There is a wooden train wheel under my butt. Move it. Get comfortable.

2: 07 pm: Rats. Need to pee.

2:10 pm: Clamber back onto the floor. Realize I am hunkered beside lone pile of cat barf I missed on my earlier rounds. Clean up barf.

2:15 pm: Back on floor. Fight DD off, as adult on floor means “time to wrassle!” Stretch a bit. Back still hurts.

2:29 pm: Take Tylenol. Give some thought to dinner. But not much. It’s early yet.

2:30 pm: Get everything I need to spend quality time in the recliner with my buddy the laptop. Large water, buddy, power cord, chapstick, cordless telephone, crackers, tissues, stickers and paper to distract DD, heating pad (for preggo-related calf cramps).

2:35 pm: DD wants to bring fairy castle into living room. Tell her she has to clean up train set first. Fight, fight!

2:51 pm: Win battle and DD picks up train. DD sets up her fairy palace on the coffee table, a toy entrancing enough for about an hour of play.

2:53 pm: Settled in recliner. Mmmmmmmm.

2:57 pm: Have to pee.

3:00 pm: Back in recliner. Fire up laptop. Download latest version of novella from pc using secure home network DH cleverly set up for me. Download anthology author’s revisions. Work on anthology first. Cat gets on my legs.

3:20: Cat is hot. Laptop is hot. Boot cat. Am sweating. Contemplate removing shirt but that will ensure someone knocks on door. Put on hideous man’s tank top instead. Goes great with nibby maternity sweats.

3:44 pm: Revisions approved, anthology updated. Email author, alerting her there will be no further revisions at this time. Good author!

3:45 pm: DD still playing with fairies but getting restless. Wants to talk to me instead of fairies. Attempt to get her involved in a fairy search and rescue mission by throwing a fairy into her bedroom.

3:50 pm: Try to get back into kissing/groping scene. DD retells the cat barfing incident from this afternoon in great detail. DD’s story does not mesh with kissing/groping scene.

4:00 pm: Pee. Get more peppermint tea. DD wants snack. Hmm…

4:45 pm: Afternoon snack eaten. Mail at mailbox retrieved (after donning jacket over tank top) – magazines and bills. Used trip to mailbox as opportunity for a short walk with DD. Is nice out for February. Feel suddenly guilty we didn’t play in the yard or go to park.

4:50 pm: Back in recliner with laptop, no cat. DD looks piteously at me and asks, “Can I sit in your lap, Mommy, or can only the baby be in your lap?”

4:55 pm: After much adjusting, we discover DD can fit in the recliner beside me. She flips through catalog while I read industry-related magazine. Hey, it’s sort of work. Answer questions about items in catalog. Wish she could read. Think about watching the rest of that movie from Netflix since I can’t get anything else done.

5:23 pm: Phone rings. It’s DH – what’s for dinner, honey? Oops.

5:25 pm: DH getting take-out. He seemed unsurprised by this turn of events.

5:30 pm: Kick DD out of chair because she won’t quit squirming. And touching me with her toes.

5:35 pm: Call Grandma and tell her DD wants to talk. Frantically try to write something, anything, about kissing/groping while DD is occupied with telephone.

6:01 pm: DH home. Looks funny at tank top, but don’t care--I’m starving! And have to pee! Realize DD hasn’t been on phone for…how long? Can’t find phone.

6:10 pm: Phone in baby crib, under many diapers. Phone still on. Grandma not pleased. Hey, it’s free long distance.

6:15 pm: Eat take-out. Ugh. Maybe shouldn’t have requested Mexican.

6:40 pm: Realize I forgot to take 5 pm nausea pill. Take immediately.

6:46 pm: Took pill too late. After regrettable incident in bathroom, crawl piteously into recliner and plop wet cloth on forehead while DH cleans kitchen and dances with DD. Take anti-nausea “booster pill”. Tank top makes it easy to rub cloth on arms and neck.

7:45 pm: Meds kick in. Verrrrry drowwwwwsy. Muuuuust peeeeeee.

8:00 pm: DD’s bedtime. DH gets her pajamas, brushes teeth, reads stories. Feel guilty because it was my night to read stories. Kiss DD three times instead of one.

8:30 pm: DH falls onto the couch and asks how my day was. I blink at him owlishly. We chat a bit. He gets me bread and milk for second “dinner”. It stays down.

9:00 pm: DD definitely asleep, after several false starts. DH wants to watch program we TiVo’d. Am too sleepy. Didn’t write much today. Didn’t cook or clean. Didn’t read stories to DD or play outside. Didn’t even bathe. Am bad mom, bad writer, ugly tank-top wearer.

9:30 pm: Go to bed guilty. In tank top, but remove pants. DH rubs my back and tells me he agrees we should paint the baby’s room lilac, and he’ll get started this week-end. And he doesn’t think I’m a bad mom and he’s sure I’m a very good writer. Plus, his tank top looks cute on me and shows off my baby belly. Which he then kisses.

9:50 pm: Feel better. Kiss DH back and vow to fix dinner tomorrow night. Mentally vow. Start to doze off.

10:01 pm: Pee.

11:39 pm: Pee….

***

Jody Wallace, who writes normal stuff as herself and naughty bits as Ellie Marvel when she isn't sick or pregnant, has a novella due out with Red Sage Publishing in 2006.  Check out her sites at www.jodywallace.com and www.elliemarvel.com         

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